So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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