Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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