Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a dumb baby whore.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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