Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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