Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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