So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
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She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
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I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize