Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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