i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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