Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
