i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
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I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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