my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
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I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
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He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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