Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize