He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
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