Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
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So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
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i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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