Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize