Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Houston, we have a blender
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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