He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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