we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
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I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
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Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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