I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize