Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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