boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize