Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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