I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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