one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize