omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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