I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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