doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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