I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
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I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
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I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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