May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
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He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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