I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
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I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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