You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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