Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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