two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
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There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
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Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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