we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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