1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize