do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
This toilet bowl is my home.
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