glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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