I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
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becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
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She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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