so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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