I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
honey bunches of taint.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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