i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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