we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize