now i know why i became what i already was.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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