Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
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2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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