So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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