he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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