Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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