Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
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dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
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the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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