I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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