Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize