just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
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drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
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I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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