Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
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It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
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Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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